Had a very down day yesterday....

Felt shitful yesterday... actually, it was mostly the afternoon and into the night.

I spent the day with Molly at Highpoint- which was nice, but we were there too long and there was a lot of stuff to do at home. John took the car key with him accidently so I was stuck on public transport while the car sat out the front of our house.

Anyway, we got our tax return and it was a decent amount so I decided it was time for a new pair of runners- considering the last time I bought runners was when I didn't even know I was preggers with Molly- just before the run for the kids (2005)... So I bought a pair of super comfy Nike Zoom. I had a lot of guilt buying shoes that were probably made by a poor little child in a sweatshop but then I looked around and decided they probably all were anyway. And I need some decent shoes if I am going to be running like I plan to. If anyone knows of any "no sweatshop" decent runners, please tell me and I will take them back and get a refund.

They are seriously like walking on air. It will take a few weeks for me to wear them in but I know they'll be great.

Anyway, when I got back from the shops I got a call from John who said he'd forgotten he booked a recording client last night so he'd be out from 7 till 11pm. I really wanted to get a workout in so I had to re-arrange my afternoon and go at 4:30 instead of after dinner with my friend. The workout was hard- I felt every ounce of resentment dragging my body down making me want to give up. I could barely lift my feet on the treadmill so I decided to do some heavy weights instead. I went pretty hard and tried to get my anger and frustration out that way. I then hopped back on the treadmill but only lasted 10 mins before I decided to give up and go home. I figure 20 mins cardio and 30 mins weights was enough for a day where I feel shitful.

So I got home and gave Molly dinner (creamy chicken and avocado pasta cooked by housemates- grrr undoing all my gym work- but I think it was evaporated milk so hopefully not as bad a cream), put her to bed and sat watching crappy tv on my own. I was just so close to tears all night- I am sure I am premenstrual but it was rediculous.

When john came home he made me a wheatbag and hot water bottle and a cup of chamomile tea as he felt really bad about having to go out on a designated "gym night"... He knows I need more time to myself than I have been getting. He's trying to work out ways to make it happen (ie. quitting his afternoon 3 day-a-week job at the school) which may work out if we are entitled to a bit more centrelink. We have worked out that he would get nearly as much in Austudy if he were to go full time (3 days at the moment) at uni as he does with his job. That would work out fine unless I fall pregnant again- in that case I'd need to get parenting payment too...wonder how much that'd be? Oh well, we'll deal witht that when we get to it.